Thursday, July 19, 2007

One Door Closes....

Well, tonight marked the end of another chapter in the saga that is my life. Normally I would say that any book about my life would be pretty boring. I like my life, but admittedly its probably not very entertaining to anyone watching it. But the drama with men could probably be a tv show. Tonight, however, marked the end of the "R" chapter. That's what I will call the guy who has been the topic of many of the last few posts in order to give him a little anonymity. It was his birthday and he invited me to join him and his friends out. I wasn't feeling very well because I worked out too hard at the gym, but it was a special occassion so I decided I should go. I'm not actually sure when it happened, but at some point pretty early in the evening I decided this was going to be it. That when I said goodbye for the night I was going to say goodbye for good. Of course everyone else was going to go out, but I used my preparations for the Bar exam as an excuse not to go. Although admittedly I think I am going to watch a movie instead. Dont think I could focus on Partnership law at the moment. But anyways, I was a little uncomfortable because his friends are not my friends. Not that I dislike them or anything, but I feel so much older than all of them. Some of them I am, but mainly its a maturity thing. There is a reason I get along best with people in their late 20s and early 30s. And this was a group of around 20 and 21 year olds, with a couple 23 year olds so I felt out of place. But dinner was ok. I didnt eat much because like I said my stomach was not having it after the gym. And I declined all offers of alcohol, which they didnt really like, but they dealt. And like I promised myself when we were leaving the restaurant I wished R a happy birthday and told him to take care of himself and have good times in California (he is moving there). Yea, telling someone semi-intoxicated goodbye is kinda of anti-climactic. Im not sure they really grasp it. But even if he had, it kinda hurts that for him, me saying goodbye is no big deal. It would be like if your mailman told you he was moving. You would wish him/her well and not really think about it again. So it kinda sucks and even hurts a little because for me it was hard to do, but for him its nothing. Not even a flinch or a question why I am saying goodbye now. One way feelings just suck, dont they? You really want people to care for you as much as you care for them, but there isn't really anything you can do about it if they don't. Almost makes you wish you could take back all the time and energy and emotions you wasted on them. But no, it was a learning experience. It just confirmed what I already knew...stay away from guys younger than me and those named R! lol. Hopefully Chicago will treat me better than Iowa has. I head there in two weeks time to start a new chapter of my life. Wish me luck!