Sickness and in Health

Note to readers: I cant spell, so its pretty useless correcting my spelling mistakes.
I now find myself faced with what is perhaps the most difficult emotional situation I have ever had to deal with. Before yesterday I had only really broke down crying once in my life. Now I feel like it is going to happen about every half hour or so. It almost happened twice yesterday while I was at the gym working out. My newfound grief comes because someone I care about very much found out yesterday that he is very ill. (Details of the illness were edited because I realized that is private info that is not for me to share.) He began treatment today, and may have to begin more strenuous treatment soon. This morning it was something in an IV, and it has made him very sick. Reminds me of that age old saying about the cure being worse than the disease.
My grief is two fold. First, this man, age 22, is someone I care very deeply for. Though we have never dated, from my side at least there is love. To find out that someone you love, who is so young and smart and such a bright presence in the world is suffering from such a critical disease is heart breaking. Add on top of that how bad the treatment makes him feel, and I feel like I am worrying about him 24/7. I am sure I have already annoyed him with all my offers to help. I don't think I have ever felt such a blend of worry and sorrow and grief and even a little despair all at once. Words in this blog cannot adequately convey how I feel.
Which brings me to the second, and if possible, even more difficult part of my grief. All I want is to help him. Do what I can to make him feel better, support him, entertain him, hug him. But I can't give him that. Not because I don't want to. Like I said, I want to more than anything. And he needs these things. But not from me. He is in love with someone else. A guy he dated for about 11 months before they recently broke up. Though they had a very rocky relationship, my friend loves his ex. And as much as I want to be the one to help him and support him, he needs it from his ex. He needs it to come from the one he loves. When they talked yesterday, however, his ex didn't take the news well. I wasn't told details, but as much as my friend needs him, I don't think his ex has any plans to be there.
Today we were supposed to meet for lunch. He was running some errands and was going to come meet me. While at the pharmacy, however, he became very sick from the treatment he received this morning. I wanted so much to come to him, to comfort him. Give him some Gatorade and listerine, and all those things you do when someone is sick. We were texting at the time, and when he told me he was sick I told him to tell me where he was so I could come get him. But he didn't. He called his ex. The next message I received was that his ex had come and picked him up. And so this is the wrinkle. I feel grief because of his situation, but I am also feeling it because as much as I want to help him, he wants it from someone else. This isn't jealousy. While it sounds like it reading this, I know the feeling of jealousy, and this isn't it. This is something unique. A feeling of helplessness and sorrow. Something I hope you never have to feel. I am happy that his ex actually did something for him, but at the same time it pains me because I feel like there is nothing I can do. I just have to stand by and watch as he suffers. Maybe I have some caregiver needs that I never before realized. I feel like I need to provide support for him as much as he needs it. And it is tearing me up that I can't give it. I am watching Angels in America now because it is so on point. I am hoping for some guidance from it.