Life and Love

Well it has been quite a long time since I have posted anything on here, so I have lots of updating to do. Well first, it's january, so that means this is my last semester of law school. YAY!!! The end cannot come soon enough. I remember back in high school that thing called seniorities where you just didn't care about school anymore because it was almost over. Well that's nothing compared to what I have got. I am so ready to be out of here and live in a city again with my own place, and friends to go out with, and places I actually would want to go out to, and maybe even a love life. Imagine that...me going on a date. I'm not sure I would know what to do with myself. This intense desire to leave is so strong I am finding it hard to focus on anything. Ack! I just want a life.
Anyways, I guess on to updates in the love life. Well back in september of last year I sent a message to a guy online just on a whim, and lo and behold I actually got a response. So we talked for awhile and he eventually invited me to his Halloween party in Chicago (of course he isn't in Iowa). So I went to Chicago for Halloween and dressed up in my kick ass latex Superman costume...yes I said latex, and met this guy. Well I went to his party and ended up staying for almost 3 days. That wasn't expected, but he turned out not only to be incredibly sexy, but also to be a really cool guy. Before you get dirty thoughts, while I did see him naked, we did not do the nasty. Well between then and now I have been back to Chicago a number of times to visit him, and when I went home for Christmas I even left him my car to take care of. My pillow too, but that was entirely on accident.
Now since we are talking about my love life, there is of course a wrinkle. In this case it would be his job. You see this guy is a gay porn star. Believe me, I had pretty much everyone tell me I was crazy for trying to go out with a porn star, but this guy was just so great and its just a job really. But it did in fact impact the relationship in several ways. First, though, let me dispel any sterotypes. No, he does not do drugs, something I would never tolerate. Nor is he promiscuous. Being in porn has actually ruined his desire for sex, so hook ups don't appeal to him. And he doesn't escort, something that also is a deal breaker for me. Now on to his job and its impact. Well because porn has ruined his desire for sex, and because he has sex as a job, when it comes to someone he likes, he won't have sex with them for a long time. So let me just tell you that I have never had sex with him. He was also very hesitant about getting into a relationship. He wanted to take everything very slowly. I thought he was just talking about the sex part at first, so I was a little surprised when he said we weren't "dating" yet, but I was willing to go with it. Only later did I find out that his hesitation to date was because since getting into porn (he has only been doing it for about a year and a half), his relationships have always failed because the person seems not to mind his job at first, but in the end it always becomes a problem. I only found this out last week actually. But everything was going well. I would go visit him and stay for a couple days. We weren't the most exciting people by any means, but I enjoyed being with him. Well since much of this is in the past tense, you can imagine that something has happened. You would be correct. The point came when I had a problem with something he did as part of his job.
As a porn star there were several things he did that I had no problem with. The movies don't bother me since they aren't really like real sex. There is all the starting and stopping and lights and make up and fluffing, and it takes like 8 hours to film a 20 minute scene. Not very much like real sex at all. I also had no issue with club appearances and go go dancing or photo shoots, or the notoriety. Now as part of his promotions he has a website people can join if they pay. Well until last week I had no issue with it. He had a blog, and photos, and his appearances, and some clips from some of his movies, and these home movies of him essentially masturbating. Again, nothing that I have a problem. But that changed on tuesday. I signed onto it tuesday and found a new video, "Matt breaks in Fabion." Well as you can imagine, Fabion is not a sex toy. He was a real live wanna be porn star who I got to watch my guy have sex with in his bed. I was irate. And of course he made me feel like I was being a dick by not understanding why this would bother me since I knew he did porn. There are actually a number of reasons why this little video was different, but I wont go into them here. You may not see them either, but I do. So we had a very long argument on tuesday, and I think he has decided to pull away and has abandoned even the idea of us maybe dating. Since I have had a 5 day weekend I have had a lot of time to think about this. Everyone keeps telling me how nice a 5 day weekend is, but really no. When you have something like this on your mind for this long its more like torture. And he is in Vegas all weekend, so there isn't really any way for me to talk to him further until he comes back on wednesday. So we shall see what happens from here. I will do my best to keep you updated.
Oh, and since I seem to have a lot of free time, and I need a hobby, I think I will be posting here more often. Be good!