Changes

It's amazing the difference a few days make. Only four days ago I was in such pain not only because someone I cared for was ill, but because he needed comforting from someone else. (see post below) While he still is ill, the greater pain he is feeling right now is betrayal and hurt. His ex, the one he needed the comforting and support from has told him that he doesn't love him and is not going to support him at all through this illness. This was a serious blow to him since he loves his ex very deeply. He has been walking around rather numb and hurt the past few days.
But my pain has been changed. Last night he told me that knowing how much I cared for him made the fact that his ex doesn't care for him hurt even more. Because of that he has decided that while he is healing and getting over his ex, I cannot call or text him. If I see him out I can say hi, but that is it. I haven't figured out yet if this is a blessing or a curse. On the one hand it can be good because I wont be able to constantly worry about him, and I wont be pained by seeing him in pain. But then of course someone I care very deeply about has just told me not to talk to them. That alone causes a lot of pain and hurts me. I think the uncertainty makes it worse too. I asked him if this was a permanent thing, if he was telling me goodbye, and he said no. That this is just while he is trying to get over his ex and while he is dealing with the pain from the breakup. The problem is that that could takes months. And we are both moving in august. My fear is that he won't be at a place where he has decided we can talk again until it is too late. If he moves to LA and I to Chicago without us having hung out regularly by then, then its over. You can't really establish anything but an internet relationship from that far away. So the not knowing if I will hear from him in a week, or if it will be never adds to the stress. The bright side I guess is that I will focus more on my Bar prep stuff and hopefully catch up, but that is hardly good enough to outweigh the bad. Though the blessing I mentioned is that I won't be able to worry about him...I want to worry about him. I want to help him heal. But it has been taken out of my hands. I must stand by and...well not even watch. I must stand by and be oblivious.