Awards

So I went to my mailbox at the law school today, and inside I found this flyer for Nominations for Student Awards. This isn't the first time the word award has appeared at the law school. They also have this thing called the Boyd Service Award that they are always harping on about, plus there are all these writing competitions you can enter and win an award. But as I scan the list of awards and their requirements on this flyer, I realize that I don't really qualify for any of them. All in all, I am not an outstanding or stellar student. Unlike back in high school, I'm not involved in law school student organizations. I don't volunteer outside the law school. Though I am gay, I don't really work towards increasing the diversity of the law school in any way other than just being here. I don't work towards the furtherance of Human Rights, and I'm not at the top of my class in terms of grades. So by any measuring stick the law school would use, I'm not that great. Which might explain why I still don't have a job. But I have to say...that's bullshit. Because I am great!
I look at these awards, and they seem to me to be fake distinctions. Or rather they award things people actually did, but they don't really care why you did them. Most awards in the world are like this, probably because we like to have heroes and because determining motivation can be very difficult. This sort of begs the question, if you have two people that go volunteer in New Orleans for Spring Break, and one is doing it to be charitable and the other is doing it just so they can win the Boyd Service Award, are they equal? Does it matter that one is being altruistic whereas the other is serving their own needs if they both do the same work? And if you can answer that one, then compare the one acting for selfish reasons to someone who chooses not to act. Is the person who doesn't go worse than a person that goes selfishly? These are rather philisophical questions with no easy answer. They pretty much ask what is the worth of a person. But then again, when we give awards such as the ones on this sheet before me, that's exactly what we are doing. We are saying this person is worth more than others because of what they have done, regardless of why they did it.
So this brings me back...to me! Am I somehow a bad person or a bad student because I don't qualify for any of these awards? Does it mean I am lazy? Or does it mean I lack ambition? That last one I will probably concede. I have no desire to be the world's greatest lawyer, or President, or managing partner of a law firm. I just want to be me. To live my life and be happy. Which is very unAmerican actually. Because we are told from a young age that we live to work. Not in those words of course, but we are encouraged to work hard and long and get called lazy and a slacker and looked down upon if we do not. As much as I love my brother-in-law, he is a prime example of this mentality. He has a military background, so that probably explains much of it, but he is all about hard work all the time. But I whole-heartedly disagree. Why should I bust my ass for something trivial? And for the record, about 99.9% of what any given person does in their job is trivial. The only exception is perhaps people like doctors, teachers, police officers, and such, but they are a small minority and even some of what they do is trivial. In the grand scheme of things work is really a necessary evil of society. And most nations in the world realize this. I once had someone contrast the United States with Europe by saying, "Europeans work to live, Americans live to work." And it's so true. And I would like to say I think the American mentality is wrong. So go ahead, call me lazy and a slacker. But to me there are far more important things in life than work. Family, friends, and most importantly, love. I can't fathom those who would pass up on love so that they could get ahead at work. It's not worth it. I don't want to be remembered as someone who was good at their work. I want to be remembered as someone who was loved and who loved others. Call me a romantic, but I think that love is what gives life meaning. Perhaps love is my form of religion. Without it, life is meaningless to me. But I could do a whole post just on my thoughts on love, and it's not really the topic of this one.
So anyways, I continue to look at this sheet of awards and while I commend those who will get these (well maybe-I dont think the two people with different motivations are actually worth the same), I'm not sad that I don't qualify. Because I am content with just being me. While others have been out working towards the furtherance of human rights, I've been working on me, and forging lasting relationships with those around me. Well that and a modeling career. This whole law thing isn't all its cracked up to be. They rely on these award things too much. But I don't think that makes me a slacker or lazy. It just makes me...well me.