Fire!!

So tonight I reached a milestone in my life, I had my first official apartment fire. Now don't worry my apartment and I are just fine, although there is a Calphalon pan in my sink that has seen better days. However, any donations to my fire relief effort would be greatly appreciated. Having such an event teaches you a little bit about yourself. For instance I learned that all my years of playing with fire as a kid really payed off. Seeing a fire blazing in my kitchen didn't faze me at all. I just stood there trying to remember how to put out a grease fire.
Which leads me to some other lessons learned. Apparently if you put Canola Oil on the highest burner setting it will eventually start smoking and then will spontaneously combust and catch on fire. No spark even needed. I also learned that when I am heating oil on the stove I should pay attention to it instead of going back and forth to my computer. And then I learned that all those videos I had to watch in my fraternity about fire safety both payed off, and were sort of a let down. For instance let me tell you how disappointed I was that the fire did not spread or grow at all in 10 seconds like those videos promised. It just stayed in the pan like a good little fire, and even let me pick the pan up and carry it outside while it was on fire. Which, by the way, Im pretty sure the people who made those videos dont really condone. But they let me down when the time came to put out the fire. I remembered that you cant throw water on a grease fire (the one good thing from the videos), but I could only remember that sand was a good way to put one out. And let me tell you how much sand I keep around the house. So I thought something similar in consistency would be good, only to learn that coffee grinds are apparently flammable. And when you burn them they get real sticky and nasty. I must admit that wasn't one of my brighter moments. I also got the bright idea of trying Soy Milk, but was cautious about that one since I figured it was similar to water. Eventually I remembered that I had a fire extinguisher under my sink, and voila, no more fire. I don't know what's in those things but its magical. And let me tell you, that was a fantasy come true to actually have an excuse to use a fire extinguisher.
What an odd time we live in that while trying to figure out how to put out the fire, I actually consulted Ask Jeeves. So now I know that baking soda will do the trick if i once again forget I own a fire extinguisher. Now, however, I need to ask Jeeves if teflon is fire resistant ( I really like that pan). My apartment now smells like smoke despite a good airing out, and I dont think I'll be making fried okra anytime soon like I wanted. But lesson learned with the cooking oil. And now I know how to start a grease fire.
Remember, any donations to my fire relief fund can be placed in my box at the law school.